fic thoughts: dream a little dream (of me)

[moonfleur]

I fully intended for my first fic commentary to be on blood and bone because I haven't been able to get it out of my mind recently BUT... for some reason, I reread dream a little dream last night so here we are :')



First of all, I have to admit that the motivator for this fic was........ spite. Someone said something that really upset me about one of my other fics (not related to this one in the slightest except in genre) and that was what really drove me to participate in the round of a little wonder this was written for (because, as much as I hate to admit it, I am a leo). I am not entirely proud of this, per se, but I have realised that spite can be a really good motivator when it comes down to it.

Confessions aside, let's talk about the title. Unlike what seems to be the trend with most writers when it comes to titling, I neither have trouble with it, nor do I wait until I finish the fic to title. I generally have a gut feel about the vibe I want this fic to have and the title tends to follow that more than the literal content. That being said, this title was formed at the very start when I realised I wanted to write about something dream-related for this fic (more specfically, demons that appear in your dreams) and I never felt the need to change it after.

Regarding the style of this fic (i.e. the whole start at the end, circle back to the beginning before reaching the end once more thing), it was completely... unplanned. Anyone who knows me knows that, aside from outlining plot (for longfics), I really do not think about anything else when I write my fics (motifs, themes, prose style etc). Or, not consciously at least. So, I didn't know that I was going to write it this way until I did it, and even then I was truly aware until someone mentioned it in the comments and I was like.. huh. Interesting.

Now, let's talk characters. Why did I pick Renle as the ship for this? This was, mainly, spurred on by countless demon!chenle brain worms and that one teaser of him sitting in that ring of fire. I knew I had to write Chenle as a demon at least once, and this being a Halloween fic, seemed like the perfect opportunity. I think I picked Renjun to be the other half because, in my head, I've always seen Renjun as more of a witch person (as compared to other urban fantasy creatures: vampires, werewolves, fae etc.) and I like writing demon and witch pacts. I also really feel like Renle, as a ship, embody the ambiguous relationship dynamic perfectly. If I were to tinhat for a bit, it's something I've always noticed about them: the fact that they very clearly have a bond that is more than just a shared culture and history, and yet they both have this habit of playing off their relationship as something light and not as good of a friendship as it actually is. It is a very interesting dynamic to observe, even more when they think the camera isn't on them (but I won't go into this now).

Now for some lines:

There is a darkness in his gaze as he watches Renjun, flames licking out from the depths of them, like the reflection of a candle except there are none around them.

I think this is the first of what actually ended up being many flame/fire motifs used throughout the fic. Once again, refer to that image of Chenle in a ring of fire but also I do think fire quite suits Chenle as a person. Maybe it has something to do with fire signisms, who really knows.

“Chenle,” the boy says lightly despite the way the name weighs heavy over Renjun, the way he feels it settle into the palm of his hand like an offering.

This was a really good way to highlight the difference between what Chenle thought of him giving his name up to Renjun versus what Renjun thought about receiving it. Chenle's nonchanlance (which, at the time is a hint to their relationship) vs Renjun's seriousness.

He keeps his eyes trained on the coffee table where he is straightening out his notes, sees a silhouette that is still upright despite the fact that he is bent over.

This was the section I know scared most people, even though I didn't intend for it to be scary in the slightest (mainly because Renjun wasn't scared at all). But I guess people take it differently. I promise Chenle was just curious though, a bit cheeky maybe, but it is a treacherous line to walk as a demon being unbound in the human world but unable to return to the demon realm.

The boy smiles at him, his form shifting like smoke in the wind — boy, demon, boy — before he curls his fingers in a semblance of a wave and then he is gone

I just really like this line and the image it gives, of Chenle being unable to maintain his human form, or not wanting to keep his human form. I also imagined it as kind of like... a glitch effect? Where he kind of fizzles from one form into the next and how unnerving that would be.

Sometimes, if he’s feeling particularly devious, he’ll knock things over until Renjun meets his eyes through the nearest reflective surface and he finally quietens with an all-too-satisfied grin.

I live for petulant demon Chenle, who is demanding even though he doesn't speak and who still wants Renjun's attention even if he may not want to admit it. Think of him as Renjun's resident poltergeist at this point (which may or may not be influence by the poltergeist I may or may not have in my own home who likes to destroy things by burning/melting them).

“Hello,” he breathes quietly as the smoke swirls around them in the vast, emptiness that is Renjun’s current dreamscape, a void of nothing, just Renjun, the boy, and the swirls of smoke that wrap around them.

I don't know why but this is always the dreamscape I envision when two people meet in dreams, like some kind of dreamspace landing pad where it is just a void of nothingness and they're standing on nothing in the middle of nothing. It is from there that they go on to other more physical dreamscapes. I think this might be the product of too many movies, but I enjoy this image and I will probably keep using it.

["]other times the boy brings him to places, whole worlds he will probably never be able to see otherwise.

They are dates. Renjun and Chenle like going on dream dates even thought they refuse to acknowledge that that is what they are.

The boy sighs once but he relents, turning away from the view below the balcony to press his lips into the crown of Renjun’s head. It is a strange phenomenon of these dreams; that he can feel the boy, can feel every press of skin against skin, but never much of anything else.

I think this was a really important point that kind of got lost in translation and in the grander scheme of everything that else that was happening in this scene. Basically, imagine seeing whole worlds that you can never interact with. They can feel each other because they are both physically there, but the worlds Chenle takes him to are products of his mind so nothing else is actually there in that way. This has greater significance later on.

“And you will bind me?”

Renjun hates the uncertainty in his face, in his voice.

Binding is a really big deal, especially for the demon who can never be released unless the witch who summoned him releases him. This is extremely significant for when Chenle asks Renjun to bind him later.

“Only if you’re sure,” Renjun says into the space between them.

Chenle smiles softly, the fire in his eyes rekindling. “Of you, always.”

I know, I killed myself with this also. This is Chenle trusting Renjun unconditionally, a reciprocation of Renjun choosing to trust Chenle, who knew his birth name all along. I like to think this all stemmed from Renjun being unafraid of Chenle despite Chenle being quite terrifying and kind of haunting in the beginning. Renjun didn't try to summon him either back then, another sign.

“So beautiful,” Renjun murmurs, and the flames around Chenle flare a little.

It means a lot that Renjun prefers Chenle in his demon form, his true form. Metaphor for how he wants Chenle to be himself and only himself, and that he can be himself around Renjun. Yeah T__T

It hits him later, when Chenle finally presses him into sheets that can be felt, and leaves a trail of very real marks along the curve of his neck...

This ties back to the previous note on what was physical in dreams and what wasn't. This also hinted that they've slept with each other before in dreams, but it wasn't the same because.. I mean.. Imagine doing the do on air or in a void. No bed, no sheets. Would have been strange but now it finally feels like something to them. Also... actual physical marks for Renjun now :)

He watches as Chenle kisses down the markings, the way he tangles their fingers together, and wonders if Chenle knows that Renjun is as much his now as he is Renjun’s.

This part is a reference to the binding Renjun did. Typically, a demon is only bound to the witch, it is a one-way bond but what Renjun did bound both of them to each other. He didn't want there to be an imbalance of power, so as much as Chenle gave himself to Renjun, Renjun did the same. On that note, bindings don't usually involve the witch's blood, which should tell you enough I think.

Whew! That's done. But you can see how I kept things ambiguous, like it's clearly they love each other but there is no label for who they are and I love that about them the most and it's something I try to keep in most of my fics on them.

Anywho, if you read all of this, you have all my love. I have been aching to write more Renle so hopefully that happens this year!