breathe in (breathe out)

[moonfleur]

This isn't what he thought would happen when he left his home with nothing but whatever he could fit into the tiny suitcase he used to take on his day trips to the countryside.  

Now it is five years and two degrees later — one in photography and one in astrophysics — because leaving his parents didn't mean he'd left everything they'd beaten into him. Just in case. Something that he thinks could probably be found tattooed on the inside of his skull or etched into the marrow of his bones. 

 

Useless. Stupid. Chasing fancy daydreams. 

 

He leans his head against the stone wall he is crouched against. the weathered surface warm against the back of his head from the warm, summer sun. A cigarette burns between his fingers, only halfway done but he puts it out against the floor and tosses it. 

 

Sicily is quiet all around him, the dipping of the summer sun below the horizon signalling all natives and tourists alike to retire to their homes or the numerous restaurants lining the pier for dinner. His shirt is loose around his neck and he can feel himself starting to get sticky but he lingers for a moment more, eyes trained on the horizon as the sun hits the water sending sparks of light across its surface. 

 

He doesn't regret it, leaving home before he even knew what home meant but sometimes he imagined what it would be like if he could still talk to them. His family. What would he tell them? That he made it? That he did what they thought he would never be able to do — Nobel prize nominee and his name in all the big fashion magazines across Europe. An overachiever after his father's own heart. 

 

Photography will get you nowhere.

 

Photography got him here, on the beaches of one of the most beautiful cities this side of Europe, all expenses paid. He sniffs bitterly and pushes himself up from the ground, pulling out another cigarette, half crushed, from his back pocket. 

 

He puts it to his lips, lights it and watches as for a moment the world before him is consumed by flame and smoke. 

He breathes in and thinks, look at me now.